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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:16
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:16
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels?!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
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Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
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\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
The truth is more important than the facts.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
The truth is more important than the facts.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 17:19
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